it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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