just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
