i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
