we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
