I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
