I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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