FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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