careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
