wat bout pragnant strippers??
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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