Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need water and some morals
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
