We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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