I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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