you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
