what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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