1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
vagina is talking i cant
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize