there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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