Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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