I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
