Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
