It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
