I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
