DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize