laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
