soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
