proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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