sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
