That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Small penises have feelings too.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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