She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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