Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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