I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
