they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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