it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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