You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
