the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
