My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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