New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
