3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
