They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
