I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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