Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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