i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
