god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
