It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
