I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
