Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i've created a new STD.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
