I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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