Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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