I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize