Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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