You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
