I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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