mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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