so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
