A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
