Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
