so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
how drunk are you?
Several
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
