Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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