when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.