Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!