She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
