he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The best revenge is premature balding
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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