just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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