Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
