I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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