i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
