Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
