Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
