the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
