what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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